nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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