He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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