you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize