is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
