Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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