You can't motorboat a personality
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
