Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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