Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
