apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
