sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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