Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
