He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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