he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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