He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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