now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
As shirtless as possible
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
