That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
