So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Randomize
