I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You can't special order awesome
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
