Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
how drunk are you?
Several
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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