I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
