I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
