someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
