Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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