i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just want nice things and good sex
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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