Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
