He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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