Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
