apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My vagina just clenched in fear
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
