One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
