I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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