And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
