**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
