I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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