genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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