Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
