So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
