Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
