wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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