She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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