So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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