hell yes lets make some ravioli
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
