my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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