I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
