my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
