saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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