On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
