Having a random hookup so left but love u
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
