Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize