RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
