walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
