There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize