i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
People with herpes should wear stickers.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
