yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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