I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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