I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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