I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The power of my boobs compel you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
