Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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