I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
