Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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