i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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