thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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