my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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