She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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