he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
