she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize