is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
