For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize