What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
