how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
