the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
