help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
