Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
