Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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