Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
