Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
