Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
