What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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