shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
