I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Life is so much better after having sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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