i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
