I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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