Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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