Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
