Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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