did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
