the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
