i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
