Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
