I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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