.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
