I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
