why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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