Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
