You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
