She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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