low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
