i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
