Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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