I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
