as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
