I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize