It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
