His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
