All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
