I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
