so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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