around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
