My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this hospital has no fireball
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
