I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize