he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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