I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
