I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
