The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
