Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize